A few weeks ago I wrote this post about despair. I’ve been having trouble praying in any meaningful way because fear got a hold of me. As I told a friend at church, the despair stemmed from fear. Fear that God wouldn’t answer my prayers. Fear to pray because I had lost hope that He was capable and willing to give me good things.
So I didn’t pray.
Or when I did I copped out and prayed the “God you know what’s in my heart” prayers.
Or I prayed for the easy stuff and not the hard things I wanted God’s help to change in my life. I had desires in my heart of hearts that I was afraid to tell God about because I was afraid to hope that He could bless me so abundantly.
But God knows our deepest desires. He knows what’s in my heart of hearts. And He. Has. Plans. For us. Glorious plans to put our lives on fire in the most amazing way possible.
“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I’ve been searching for a job for a few months. After a health situation was fully cleared up 6 months ago, I slowly and tentatively made my way into the online job search world. Luckily, I have a family great enough to indulge me in my hope of finding a good opportunity…not just any opportunity. I was probably more cautious and selective than I should’ve been.
There was one primary requirement that I REALLY wanted in a new opportunity: public transportation.
Wherever I relocated and whatever my job turned out to be, I wanted a walkable lifestyle where I could get rid of my car if I so desired.
But I had a whole host of private desires that I was too scared to admit to anyone much less God.
But God knew.
I don’t need much in this life, but I want financial security. I don’t require millions or anything ostentatious like that, but I have a deep desire to pay off my debts (and probably never get into debt again), build up my savings and pay for retirement…on TOP of meeting my living expenses.
In the past few years God has taught me how to be frugal. I’m still learning some lessons along the way, but I feel well on my way toward being more responsible with the financial blessings He allows me to steward on this Earth.
I didn’t admit this to anyone, but I truly, deeply desired an international opportunity. I looked back on my life and realized that I thrived and felt fully satisfied when I had the excitement of either living overseas or working in a more international environment. I LOVE studying and learning about other cultures. I desire travel. I feel more fulfilled when I’m working with a variety of cultures and personalities and people.
I never said it out loud. But God knew what was in my heart.
What God Did
God knew all of this. Even if I didn’t want to say it out loud. Even if I didn’t want to trust Him with it in prayer. God loves me, He knows me, and He has plans for me. Oh, the plans that He has for me.
Just a few weeks ago I applied for an opportunity online – one of those computer-generated submission forms that NEVER get any results. But they called me. And then we had an “in-person” interview over Skype because the opportunity is in Washington D.C. And the interview went SO well, but I didn’t dare believe it would go any further. I mean, they probably had a ton of local applicants who were better suited, experienced, and lived in the area. But one week later they made ME an offer. ME. A virtual stranger who lives across the country and experienced more than enough dead ends in her job search going through the very same process.
But they are so excited to have me. And I am SO excited – and terrified and amazed – to join their team.
And I absolutely believe this is God’s hand. This is His desire to give me good things in this life. This is His desire to see me be successful. This is His desire to take care of me and bless me abundantly with the desires of my heart. Even when I am too afraid to ask Him for them.
I am so unworthy of His blessings. But that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?
So, short story long, I will be moving to Washington, D.C. in a few short weeks. It’s an opportunity that perfectly aligns with my skills, experiences, and career goals. It’s an opportunity that will allow me to fulfill my desire for financial security. It’s an opportunity that will allow me to get rid of my car if I want (though I’m not for the time being) and live a healthy lifestyle.
And it’s ALL because of God.