One Year Ago Today: Something Scary

Posted By Mandi Lindner on Aug 21, 2014 | 0 comments


Part One

One year ago today I went in for an ultrasound because during my routine physical the day before my doctor found something unusual. She said she was sending me to get the test right away to see what that something was. So I went to the hospital. It seemed weird to be checking in for an outpatient procedure. My only experiences at hospitals involved surgeries and emergency rooms, so it was strange not having an overnight bag or plans to stay long-term.

I do love the Catholic hospitals in town. The staff and volunteers are so friendly. And the hospital itself seems very low-key, quiet, and calm. Not your usual ER situation.

At which point I’m taken into the room

At least I didn’t have to wait very long. The nurse took me into the patient room (ultrasound room? Lab?) and the lights were low. I never thought about it, but if I’m going to be staring up the whole time that’s a nice touch. The dentist could take some pointers here.

The instructions for this procedure said I should drink tons of water beforehand but not go to the bathroom. So you better believe I had to go. And the feeling didn’t get any better when the tech spread the warm goo over my belly (it wasn’t cold! One small victory) and pressed down with the sensor.

She didn’t spend a lot of time scanning or taking pictures or whatever it is they do with the machine. When I laid down on the bed she simply stated, “So, you have a mass in your abdomen?” and proceeded with the test.

“I have a what?” I thought. This was the first time the situation had been put into words with such concise clarity.

So we’re dealing with a mass here. A mass. In my abdomen.

My friends and I call this the “No, No, Bad!” Ultrasound

After the traditional, on the top of the belly test, the tech instructed me to use the restroom and lay back down on the bed.

Apparently we weren’t through yet.

She then proceeded with what politicians call a trans-vaginal ultrasound. My girlfriends and I refer to this as the “No, No, Bad!” ultrasound.

I was unprepared for this specific exam, just as I was unprepared for the internal exam Dr. Stephanie gave me the day before. The one in which she found this mass in my abdomen, so I guess the surprise ended up being a beneficial one. But shouldn’t someone warn you that they’re going to stick things in your body? I mean, I need at least a few minutes, if not hours to mentally prepare.

Alas, the only thing I can coherently conclude from this experience is that I know EXACTLY where I stand on this particular political issue.

This may be TMI, but the tech spent nearly an hour in there and it wasn’t comfortable. In fact, it was downright invasive.

At least I had the comfort of knowing it was for a very beneficial medical purpose, one that could be crucial to my future health and diagnosis. Not to mention that if I had recently been raped and then required by male members of Congress to have this surprisingly large wand shoved into my body, well, I just hope I never have to live through an experience like that.

*steps off soap box*

We’re now best friends

So now that the ultrasound tech and I have spent one incredibly intimate hour together (on my part at least, perhaps she’s used to this) I assume we’re best friends by default. Apparently she found something because she sure took enough pictures to send to my primary care doctor.

I guess all there is to do now is wait for my doctor to see the results and call with a plan of action. And go home and take a shower. A long shower.

What do you think?